Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
