I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize