so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
