is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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