she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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