What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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