God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
