my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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