My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
