You made me cry and you don't even care
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
