Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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