bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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