I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
