Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
