Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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