He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The air taste purple.
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