This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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