Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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