The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
