I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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