It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
