Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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