my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
