I wish I could teleport
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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