16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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