last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
