No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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