im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
