But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
