he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
