is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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