How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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