we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
