help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
