Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
