just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Two words: nipple clamps
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