I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
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