Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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