My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
