Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
