every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
