I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
