Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
