Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
