ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
