If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
