i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We're too hungover to prance.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
