Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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