she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
