Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
